The pr0ny Blog

Right, so Adam Sandler plays this slacker-type character, who has anger management issues and is a bit of a douchebag. He either doesn’t work or has a shitty job, and it’s at this job or lack thereof he meets a girl and instantly falls in love with her.

Because he’s such a dick she obviously doesn’t like him, so he spends the next hour and a half stalking her (because chicks dig that) whilst being sarcastic until she falls in love with him too and they get married. The end.

Rating: 5 stars

Disclaimer: This also applies to 90% of Ben Stiller’s films.

Right, there’s this dude who’s played by the guy who was a terminator but not Arnie or the Colonel dude from The Unit. He’s probably a marine or something so I’ll call him marine dude.

So this marine dude get’s recruited by his government for something. Apparently humans are going off to other worlds but these aliens that are a cross between elves and smurfs are pissing them off. These alien dudes are like hippies who are into nature and shit so there’s probably some not-so-subtle analogy about American indians there somewhere. Like they were ‘red’ but these guys are blue right? Right?

Anyway, so he gets plugged into a machine like in The Matrix but instead of going into another world it lets him go into another body… an avatar. Like World of Warcraft but better. The body is of one of the blue alien dudes so he can go to the other planet and spy on them.

So the marine dude, as a fake blue alien dude, joins a village of blue alien dudes and starts spying on them. But as he spends more time there he realises they are all peaceful and have a right to be there, and it’s the humans who are the ‘evil alien invaders’! Holy shit!

In the end he falls in love with a blue alien bird and fights on their side. I’m guessing he sacrifices himself to save them all at the end.

Rating: 5 stars

Disclaimer: I may not have actually seen this film.

Right, there’s this guy right, called Steve Guttenburg. He used to print bibles for a living but now he wants to join the filth so he goes to the police academy. He probably had to pass some sort of exam to get in or something so I’m guessing he did alright in his GCSEs.

Some other people go too, one’s a short dude who has his wife and/or mum ride on his bonnet trying to stop him, some black dude who does kung fu and sound effects, some tall black dude, some short black bird and a hot blonde bird with big boobs who is probably the root of many a dominatrix fantasy. There’s also some crazy dude who can’t speak proper and obviously has some sort of mental illness, but they were funny in the ’80s.

Something happens to get someone kicked out or the academy shut down, but the black dude who does kung fu and sound effects pretends to be a helicopter and a machine gun to stop some criminals and saves the day. Oh yeah and there’s this kinda redneck dude who bums the hot blonde bird with big boobs and I think he uses a bazooka at some point. Not sure when the police started issuing them but whatever.

Oh and there’s some other guy they don’t like who’s pissing them off, so Steve tricks him into going to the Blue Oyster bar where he gets bummed by gays wearing studded leather pants, because they all walk about like that in real life. The end.

Rating: 5 stars

Disclaimer: I haven’t seen any of these films in like ten years, but they’re all pretty much the same.

Right, it starts off with this dude called Harry who’s like a wizard and stuff. He’s at his ginger mates house and wants to bum his mates sister, but doesn’t for some reason. The ginger one also wants to bum his bird mate, or the other way around, or both. Whatever.

After christmas or something he goes back to school and plays lacrosse while flying but he’s shit, or his mate is, I forget. They all go on some trip to a toy shop owned by some dorks who get killed I think. Some emo dude from his school is upstairs with some weird old goth dudes including one of his school teachers who’s like too old to still be wearing eyeliner.

Some even older teacher at his school who thinks he’s Gandalf tries to groom Harry but he ain’t having any of it. He gives Harry something and then Harry goes on a quest to find something else. I can’t remember what is was but it had something to do with a lake.

Then the goth teacher from earlier kills the old one because he doesn’t like paedos. Harry and his mates swear to avenge his death or some shit. The end.

Rating: 5 stars

Disclaimer: I may have been asleep during some of this film.