Good evening one and all
I come bearing music ! Now when I say music you might think of Sergei Rachmaninoff, James Brown or Aaron Carter….and youd be right to. Unlike the aforementioned artists, this music isnt what you’d describe as profound or, indeed melodic. In fact its anything but:
I hope you go for a wash afterwards.
ALSO i discovered this the other day, smashing and subversive fun for all !
http://www.alexanderocias.com/loved.php
Peace, Love, Respect and that.
MIDI / error !!
noob
One who is new to the form of recreation being performed.
“u suck noob”
stfu
Kindly cease your communications.
“stfu noob”
pwn
To best someone in a battle of wits.
“dood i just totally pwnd some noobs”
zomg
That is the greatest thing I have ever heard.
Prima: “dood i just totally pwned some noobs”
Secunda: “zomg”
fgt
To overcompensate for my repressed sexual orientation I will call into question your own.
“suck my dick fgt”
gb2<noun> fgt
Go back to whence you came.
“gb2wow fgt”
nou
I recommended you follow your own advice in this matter.
Prima: “gb2wow fgt”
Secunda: “nou”
cybor
A mutual masturbation session conducted over the internet.
“wow ur hot. lets cybor”
irl
In ‘real’ life, that strange world where you’re not a level 90 Jedi.
Prima: “wow ur hot. lets cybor”
Secunda: “but im a dude irl”
Prima “dont care”
wtf
You have vexed me. I am terribly vexed.
“wtf r u on about”
ffs
I am most disappointed in you.
Prima: “afk for a fag”
Secunda: “ffs!!!11″
brb/afk
You’re boring me, so I’m going to pretend to be away from my computer.
Prima: “i just broke up with my boyfriend and i feel so hurt and alone. please, i just need someone to talk to.”
Secunda: “brb”
sos ur face
A generic comeback that is applicable in every situation.
Prima: “The current economic crisis was not only the fault of the people for taking on credit they could not afford to pay back, but of the financial institutions themselves for allowing them to do so in the first place.”
Secunda: “sos ur face”
tl;dr
I’m afraid your statement was somewhat too verbose for me to comprehend.
Prima: “lol”
Secunda: “tl;dr”
lol
Anything, ever.
“lol”
Right, this film is about Robert DeNiro and he’s got a beard. He’s going to Vietnam because it’s set ages ago but before he does one of his mates gets married or something.
They’re on a stag night and get drunk then there’s the wedding where they dance around for like half the film. Then they go hunting or something and shoot some stuff. Probably a deer because it’s in the title. Dunno what happens after that because I fell asleep.
Oh yeah, and Christopher Walken is in it too. The end.
Rating: 5 stars
My epic renditon of Creep by Radiohead on the electric guitar. The fact that I only know one chord in no way detracts from the awesomeness of it.
Right, so this film is about some well ‘ard Greek dudes in like medieval times or some shit, who are like totally NOT GAY. They start off being perfectly content oiling each other up and wrestling in a totally NOT GAY way, and are led by their king Leon the Greek. I think he’s from Finchley.
Then some Turkish knob starts trying to muscle in on their territory, so Leon the Greek is all like “Fuck you this is Sparta!”. He puts on his tight leather underpants and gets his all his mates together to go and sort the bald twat out. But before he leaves he bums his wife to prove that he’s totally NOT GAY.
So the Greek dudes go and kill some Turkish dudes, and totally fuck the bald dude’s shit up so he gets well pissed off. He sends some orcs against them but the Spartans are so ‘ard they just batter the fuck out of them too. Then that evening to celebrate, they have a circle jerk together but in a totally NOT GAY way, obviously.
After a couple of days the Turkish bumder finds a rear path (lol) to the Greeks and goes to cunt them in the bollocks once and for all. But before he’s able to do so Leon the Greek sends his favourite bum chum home to tell his wife that he was thinking of her, because he’s like totally NOT GAY. The end.
Rating: 300 dildos
Disclaimer: This film is totally NOT GAY.
Something to do with Megan Fox’s boobs. The end.
Rating: 2 boobs
Disclaimer: Boobs.
Right, this is probably my favourite comedy film of all time. It was made by the same bloke who did that film about a big stone that pissed off some monkey dudes in like dinosaur times or whatever.
It starts off with this bunch of noobs who want to be marines, so they all get matching hair cuts. They try giving shit to their drill sergeant but he’s like well ‘ard so he strangles them for doing his nut in. Then there’s an ’80s-style montage as they get fit and shit except for one of them because he’s a right fat fuck. The other dudes then twat the silly wanker while he’s sleeping to learn him a lesson, which is one of the funniest scenes of the film.
The fat one then goes for a shite and takes his rifle with him, but his dump is so loud the sergeant dude comes to twat him again but the stupid fat knob kills him. Then he kills himself so it’s not all bad.
The rest of them then go on holiday to Vietnam where they have sucky sucky for 5 dorra if they aren’t too beaucoup. Something happens and stuff gets shot. Oh yeah the big dude from Firefly is in this bit, being cool and manly as usual. Something with a tank happens. Then they kill some bird and sing the Mickey Mouse song. The end.
Rating: 5 stars
Disclaimer: I want to see fur and morning dew.
Right, so Adam Sandler plays this slacker-type character, who has anger management issues and is a bit of a douchebag. He either doesn’t work or has a shitty job, and it’s at this job or lack thereof he meets a girl and instantly falls in love with her.
Because he’s such a dick she obviously doesn’t like him, so he spends the next hour and a half stalking her (because chicks dig that) whilst being sarcastic until she falls in love with him too and they get married. The end.
Rating: 5 stars
Disclaimer: None, this is completely accurate.
Right, there’s this dude who’s played by the guy who was a terminator but not Arnie or the Colonel dude from The Unit. He’s probably a marine or something so I’ll call him marine dude.
So this marine dude get’s recruited by his government for something. Apparently humans are going off to other worlds but these aliens that are a cross between elves and smurfs are pissing them off. These alien dudes are like hippies who are into nature and shit so there’s probably some not-so-subtle analogy about American indians there somewhere. Like they were ‘red’ but these guys are blue right? Right?
Anyway, so he gets plugged into a machine like in The Matrix but instead of going into another world it lets him go into another body… an avatar. Like World of Warcraft but better. The body is of one of the blue alien dudes so he can go to the other planet and spy on them.
So the marine dude, as a fake blue alien dude, joins a village of blue alien dudes and starts spying on them. But as he spends more time there he realises they are all peaceful and have a right to be there, and it’s the humans who are the ‘evil alien invaders’! Holy shit!
In the end he falls in love with a blue alien bird and fights on their side. I’m guessing he sacrifices himself to save them all at the end.
Rating: 5 stars
Disclaimer: I may not have actually seen this film.
Right, there’s this guy right, called Steve Guttenburg. He used to print bibles for a living but now he wants to join the filth so he goes to the police academy. He probably had to pass some sort of exam to get in or something so I’m guessing he did alright in his GCSEs.
Some other people go too, one’s a short dude who has his wife and/or mum ride on his bonnet trying to stop him, some black dude who does kung fu and sound effects, some tall black dude, some short black bird and a hot blonde bird with big boobs who is probably the root of many a dominatrix fantasy. There’s also some crazy dude who can’t speak proper and obviously has some sort of mental illness, but they were funny in the ’80s.
Something happens to get someone kicked out or the academy shut down, but the black dude who does kung fu and sound effects pretends to be a helicopter and a machine gun to stop some criminals and saves the day. Oh yeah and there’s this kinda redneck dude who bums the hot blonde bird with big boobs and I think he uses a bazooka at some point. Not sure when the police started issuing them but whatever.
Oh and there’s some other guy they don’t like who’s pissing them off, so Steve tricks him into going to the Blue Oyster bar where he gets bummed by gays wearing studded leather pants, because they all walk about like that in real life. The end.
Rating: 5 stars
Disclaimer: I haven’t seen any of these films in like ten years, but they’re all pretty much the same.